Whipwrites is a genious collection of Blogdon Legge's thoughts

I would not call them insights, as much as enlightened visions of the world

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Greatest Action-Genre Films Since 1980

Disclaimer: My list includes ACTION movies, not adventure, not sci-fi, and not even Kung-fu, but ACTION movies. These are true genre films, and sense big name studios have begun mimicking genre films (or atleast attempting to) I wanted to set the record straight for what comprises an action movie. Most of you will be upset when you read this list and realize that most of the movies that you call your favourite 'action' flicks, don't even constitute an action movie - ie. Kill Bill, Rush Hour, Bond Movies, and adventure movies like Raiders of the Lost Arc.

Definition: Now to limit the list I had to add stipulations. Firstly, with the incredible advances in special effects, and effects being an important indicator of an action movie's prowess, I did not think it fair to compare any movie made prior to 1980 with movies made afterwards. Secondly, I have included only American Cinema - mainly because action movies made in Hong Kong are basically innumerable, and hell, I could compose a lengthy list of just John Woo films, so "The Killer" and "Hard Boiled" are excluded (even though I once cleaned Mr. Woo's office).
The Action Movie's heyday is long gone. It ended as soon as Arnold Schwarzenegger died (made "______ Hero" and "____") and will probably never return. Censorship has also played a huge role. Studios want movies that 12 and 13 year olds can get into (which is valid seeing as the act of watching an action movie can cause anyone under the age of 18 to kill/main/slaughter people without even a good reason like war).
What makes a good action movie? Well...action! obviously, but there is more to it. Superflous, and extrenuous use of action actually. Also, nudity and gratuitous use of the F-bomb are vital. A great main character is what holds down an action movie though, and although most of these actors are the punchlines of many jokes, about 10 years ago people would never fuck with them. Look for the three F's: Fighting, Fucking, and Fuck (the word), as a field test to determine whether you're watching an action movie (sidenote: fucking is not vital).

Enough rambling, here is the emmaculate list (as this list was not conceived, but suddenly appeared to me one day, most likely from God who's pissed about all the shitty 'action' movies coming out lately):

10. a/b "Marked for Death" and "Hard to Kill" (1990)
What makes these movies so wikkit is Steven Segal, plain and simple. Bad actor? Yes. Bad hair? Yes. Dirty-ass Kenpo/Judo style moves? YES! When recollecting back on these movies you probably just scoff at the thought of watching a Segal flick, but these are true action movies with little regard for plot (which isn't necessarily a bad thing).
9. "Lethal Weapon" (1987)
Don't let the franchise that Lethal Weapon became fool you. This original installment was DARK, and raw. Mel Gibson was your typical loose-cannon cop, but with a slightly more suicidal edge - one of the earlier scenes depict him putting a gun in his own mouth. The torturing scene is great, and the audience really bonds with Riggs and Murtaugh, and there's plenty of needless deaths. Again, this is good!
8. "The Terminator" (1984)
Unfortunately, this flick is overshadowed by its successor, but this movie was equally as groundbreaking. Arnold fuckin kills it in this movie. The plot is creative to say the least, and again the movie is dark. Sarah Connor survives, but the world is still going to end. And the one-liners are so classic that people repeat them with no idea where they came from (that's when you know a line is truly part of pop-culture).
7. "Die Hard" (1988)
Why don't people say motherfucker anymore? "Yippee kayah motherfucker" (or yippee kayah Mr. Falconer as TBS airs it) is such a great line that I'm going to start calling everyone motherfucker again, motherfucker. Bruce Willis is great in this movie as the smart-ass rogue cop, who single-handedly takes down a crew of terrorists, most of the time without any shoes. The scene at the end when Hans plumits off the tower is classic (I'm going to deliberately overuse this term cause to call these movies anything else would be a travesty! - ohh, and I'm using a lot of exclamation marks because if action movies were punctuation they wouldn't be colons now would they?).
6. "Aliens" (1986)
James Cameron gave us 3 of the movies on this list, but is still a fucking idiot because he also spawned "______" (movie about a big boat, whose title I refuse to even utter). It can be argued that this is a sci-fi flick, but I disagree. "Alien" definately is, and "Alien 3" is sci-fi, but "Aliens" is all about action. There is almost too much plot for it to make this list, and it does have Sigourn-HE Weaver, but the action sequences are sick! Michael Biehn (also plays Reese in "Terminator" is amazing). As my friend once said: "he's just plays the role of the grunt to perfection".
5. a/b Bloodsport (1988) and Kickboxer (1989)
Similar to the Segal flicks, these movies are dirty for one reason, Jean Claude Van Damme-age. He is by far the worst actor on this list, but the second best action star, maybe even of all-time. These two are essentially the same movie: Van Damme training hard in a mysterious martial art to avenge someone, and make someone proud: "Hey MOM, I kicked the shit out of 30 people today!" "That's great son!" Van Damme's spinning jump kick is nuts for a white dude. And while he might not even be very likeable, he just kicks-ass in these movies. Go rent these movies today (on video, not dvd) and you'll see how sick they still are.
4. Desperado (1995)
The only movie on the list to come out after the fall of action movies (I guess I could've made the list 1984-1995). Lots of guns, lots of brutal death, lots of cussin, and plenty of Salma Hayek. Antonio Banderas is just cool in this movie. Although, the main plot stems from the prequel "El Mariachi" the idea of a man with a guitar case for of guns is niiiice. The Mariachi's motive for all this killing is ambiguous, which separates this action movie from "Kill Bill" or "Sin City" (great flicks, but not PURE action movies).

3-1 Will be put up on a later post. Also, and explanation why probably YOUR favourite action movie, "The Matrix", isn't included. Surprisingly, a policitician stars in all of the top 3.

5 Comments:

  • At 6:22 PM, Blogger salochin80 said…

    I agree with alot of what you said, but I'm surprised that Ong Bak wasn't on your list

     
  • At 6:24 PM, Blogger salochin80 said…

    Let me guess the last three, Commando,predator and Terminator 2

     
  • At 7:04 PM, Blogger CoolWhip said…

    Dead on! but, there's an additional flick added in their (top 3 actually composed of 4 movies), and Ong Bak isn't in becuase, if you read my intro, I only included American cinema. Ong Bak is definately one of the dirtiest action movies I've seen, but I'd be prone to call it a kung-fu flick (although not in the true sense) than action.

     
  • At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your list has fresh whitey lookin' at his life in retrospect ... am I an action star? I think it's best composed in a freestyle:

    from french accents to slick backed hair / to hell with a plot cuz' nobody cares / have no fear this list ain't got no bullshit / It's got the man vandamme but yo' where's my hard target / Arnold is sick slappin' predator's like ho's / Hello HARD TARGET he kills fools with CROSSBOWS!

     
  • At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Check out this interesting article about stephen seagal movie

     

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